Alright, Warner Bros. and HBO, let’s talk. You promised us a faithful adaptation of the Harry Potter books—something that would finally do justice to the details, the side plots, and the sheer depth of the Wizarding World. But judging by these latest casting announcements, I have one question: Were you lying, or do you just have no idea what that word means?

Because right now? This reboot is looking less like a “book-accurate adaptation” and more like HBO’s latest excuse to milk a cash cow while throwing canon out the window.

Dumbledore: Gandalf in a Midlife Crisis?

First, John Lithgow is allegedly playing Albus Dumbledore. Yes, that John Lithgow. An incredible actor? Absolutely. But American? Also yes. So what happened to the all-British cast rule? Did they just decide, “Eh, accents are optional”?

Oh, but wait—apparently, he’s using a dialect coach to perfect his British accent. Which is great, except we’ve seen how this goes before. Best case scenario? It’s passable. Worst case? We get something so bad it makes Dick Van Dyke’s Mary Poppins accent sound like Shakespearean theater.

And if nothing else, maybe—just maybe—he’ll be the first Dumbledore to actually understand the meaning of the word “calmly.”

Snape: The Hot One?

Now, onto Paapa Essiedu potentially playing Severus Snape. Listen, I love this man. He’s ridiculously talented. But do I believe Snape—the pasty, lank-haired dungeon cryptid we all love to hate—would have even an ounce of his swag? Absolutely not. Snape was written as greasy and miserable. If this reboot turns him into some tortured-but-sexy anti-hero with smoldering eyes, we have officially entered AO3 fanfic territory.

McGonagall: Finally, Someone Got It Right

Janet McTeer as McGonagall? Now this is a casting decision I can get behind. She’s got the presence, the wit, and the perfect amount of “I’m not mad, just incredibly disappointed” energy that McGonagall radiates in every scene. One win for HBO. One.

Where the Hell Are Harry, Ron, and Hermione?

We still don’t know who’s playing the Golden Trio, which means HBO is either still auditioning or seriously dragging their feet. Apparently, they’re looking for “unknowns” who can grow into the roles. Great. Love that. But also? If they mess up these three, the entire reboot crumbles. If Harry looks like he belongs in an Abercrombie ad, if Ron isn’t at least a little scrappy, or if Hermione is suddenly “too cool” to be a know-it-all? Yeah, I’ll be rage-posting about it until the end of time.

HBO’s “Faithful Adaptation” Sounds a Lot Like Fanfiction

The showrunner Francesca Gardiner and director Mark Mylod keep saying they’re going to expand the story, explore new locations, and dig deeper into the world-building. Which sounds nice—until you remember that “expanding” in Hollywood-speak often means changing things no one asked to be changed.

Like, do I want to see Peeves actually get screen time? Yes. Do I want an entire subplot where young Dumbledore journals about his complicated feelings for Grindelwald? Absolutely not. We already had The Secrets of Dumbledore for that, and look how well that turned out (spoiler: not well).

Will HBO Actually Pull This Off?

At this point, I’m keeping my expectations lower than the Hogwarts plumbing system. I want to believe this show will finally give us the detailed, book-accurate Harry Potter we’ve always wanted. But with every new casting choice and vague statement from the writers, I get the sinking feeling that HBO is gonna do what HBO does best—make a mess and hope we’re too nostalgic to care.

So, what do you think? Excited? Dreading it? Already planning your Harry Potter (2001-2011) Is My Only Canon tattoo? Sound off in the comments. And remember: if this show screws up Snape, Dumbledore, or literally any of the trio… we riot.

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